Let’s face it, New Years tends to make us reflect on the past year, sometimes farther back. As a teen/young adult, I never really got into the whole “OMG I need to make a resolution!” scheme. This year however, has been one of those years that makes you think “Holy shit! I’m getting older! What the? When did that happen?!” and suddenly you are travelling back in time at the years of New Years Past.
In October this year, I turned 34. I cried. I cried hard. I refused to acknowledge the event. My hubby to be wouldn’t let me. He went overboard, with lots of love in mind truth be told, but none the less wouldn’t let me sulk in the horror that is the mid thirties. Guys look, I get it, men in general don’t get why women freak out over their age. Here is a secret, I’ll tell you why. When women are 20, their fear age is 30. When women are 30, the fear age is 40. When women are 40, the fear age is 50. Once we hit 50, we just honestly don’t give a damn anymore because we have accepted the fact that our looks are fading, we just aren’t as young and youthful as were once were. It is actually getting to that acceptance that torments us at all hours of the day and night! Day after day! Night after night! Week after week, Month after month, year after bloody year! You get the point. Women are often put on a pedestool from a young age of when Mommy said “Oh you are such a pretty princess!” and Daddy says “Who’s my beautiful Daddy’s Girl???” and from that moment on, we associate looks/beauty with love.
As I approach the halfway mark to the start of my forties, I have began to reflect on things in my life. Have I truly accomplish the things I wanted to by this point in my life? What will become of me in the future? Am I content with my life as it is today? I can say that I have not accomplished everything I wanted by this point. But that is okay! There are lots of people who have not. I am pretty happy with my relationship to my fiancee (yep we are getting hitched), I love the security and love he gives me and I in return. He truly appreciates the little things I do for our family and 9 times out of 10, he says “Thank you, honey.” for anything that I have done. Whether it is swiffering the floors, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, or just packing his lunch for work, I get the appreciation. I am however not happy with the fact that my fiancee busts his ass on a daily basis. I hate that he is the strong one and is healthy. I hate that I am not. Which leads me to the next, what will become of me in the future… I have realized that IF and only IF I make the changes that are needed now, I can accomplish the future that I want. That made me think of the resolutions that everyone freaks out about.
Being a fat ass girl in today’s world goes one of two ways. I can either get the “OMG she is so fat!” looks from the skinny ass bitches (yes I do loathe you ladies!) or the “FLUFFY POWER! Rock your curves!” speeches and rants from the fellow fat asses who have embraced their inner fluffy goddess. That is the thing though, each woman what a inner goddess. We all picture her in a certain way. If you remember in the book Fifty Shades of Gray, Anastasia Steele’s character always mentioned her inner goddess and the way she dressed, behaved, presented herself… Mine, well she is a strong willed, sarcastic, intelligent, hot, thin, feminist who likes to the think she can take over the world and conquer anything in her way. Right now, the only thing in common between me and the goddess that I have created is the fact that I have taken hurt and twisted it into sarcastic humor. Yea, I know I have a pretty face, that is where it stops though. Once I stare at myself long enough, I hate what I see.
As I mentioned before, the Mr and I are getting married. Have you looked at those bridal magazines? Especially ones that claim to be focused on the “plus size bride”? Please, someone explain to me, Why on God‘s green earth do they have some skinny bitch model in that dress? I mean really! All I think is one, somebody needs to throw that girl a biscuit! Two, how is that dress going to look on me when I can’t wrap my head around it being on my fat ass! Then their is the snotty, hoity toity skanks in the bridal salons that look at you like “Holy SHIT! You found some dumb bastard to have sex with you, much less MARRY you?!” and I immediately want to punch the whore in the face and leave her a biscuit. She clearly must be so bitchy from the lack of food.
After these experiences, I have decided to take on the most listed and failed New Years resolution….Losing weight. I know I will fail. It is predictable. However, the question is, will I get right back on the bandwagon and try again? I decided that I want to be able to look back at my wedding pictures and see a person who is happy with not only her partner, but with herself too. I may not reach my goal weight by then, but knowing that I had been rocking it and working my ass off, that will make me proud. Success is not determined by reaching a goal sometimes, it is having the drive and ability to keep going. One of the things that I am nervous about, In February, we are doing our engagement pictures. I am scared. To Death. Yep, uh huh! Petrified! My whole body will be in those pictures. From those photos however, I am determined to work hard from that weight and my goal is to be able to smile at the wedding photos.
So wish me luck, I will need it. And for love of comfort food, Somebody eat a damn pizza for me.
KD- Resident Fat Ass Chick.
- Such is life in a not so Fluffy world… (diaryofafatassgirl.wordpress.com)
- The Sunday List: New Years Resolutions (ardentandawkwardinaustin.com)